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Hope is a powerful thing and I am trying to have it.

It's been a long day. Jasper's appointment was today.

They were quite nice. We had a chat. They performed a test on his abdomen because they agreed that before we focus on the hyperthyroidism we need to solve why he isn't eating.

They didn't see anything on the X-ray taken last week of concern, possibly a bit of inflammation but no sign of tumors, however they sent it to their radiology appointment to verify what they saw. So in the next two days we'll find out if there is a very small tumor. But they don't think that's likely.

They took an ultrasound of his belly. No tumors, masses, other bad things. Some inflammation to be aware of once we get him eating. They said he should eat different proteins.

They suggested either in hospital or out of hospital care but we couldn't afford two days hospitalization, testing, monitoring his kidneys and heart along with a feeding tube as that was more than the 5k we have to spend on our Bean. And it would prevent the dental surgery.

So we talked some more and we were told if he didn't eat in 18 hours with the anti nausea, antibiotics (they found sores on his little tongue), appetite stimulant and pain medicine it would be time to let him go.

But! We got home and he demolished about 100 calories from several sources of cat food not half and half (cream/milk blend). Which is half of what he should eat daily for weight gain.

So in the morning, I'll contact the dentist to reschedule his surgery hopefully very soon as he has ulcers now alongside his cavity/gum issues.

I'll also contact a few places to do subq fluids as the big hospital was not able to due to Bean deciding he was absolutely done. After cooperating with them for hours.

He's home. He's eating. I want to believe that we can make it through this.

Jazzy Bean has quit eating and then he's been willing to eat only half and half. And then he's been willing to eat the smallest bite of chicken...

So we did not end up making an appointment for our vet to send him to my other cats and my best friends mom who was my dear Pywhackett's second human and who I sent back to her in 2014 when Py was 25. Such a dear Meezer. I imagine sending all my cats to Penny who will love them and tend them the way she tended all nine of her cats before the cancer took her life much to young more than 20 years ago.

So Ian and I are in agreement that it comes down to tomorrow. Before they do advance testing we want to know if he's already wasting away beyond saving. Because I only want to put him through testing if we are not already too late. If they say he's not to far gone from having a bad appetite, then we will do a test or two. And make our decision from there.

The best case scenario will be he's able to get the dental surgery, the thyroid in June and the lung thing is just inflammation. They give him a tube feeding and then we get the dental surgery done asap so he remembers to eat food.

Then he lives for another few years before crossing the rainbow bridge. Because I believe they are escorted by my other cats that they knew, he gets guided by my tragic ginger son to my other dear cats.

If it's not looking good then we will either have it done at Blue Pearl or make arrangements for our primary vet to send him across the bridge.

I want it to be the best scenario so much.

But a few few times over the last 2 weeks I have had hopes only for things to get worse. So I will be full of gloom and anxiety and grief until we know either way tomorrow.

Cat ownership is not for the weak. They keep breaking my heart and yet I know that if the cat distribution center dropped another senior kitty on my doorstep I would take them in too.

Cautiously optimistic. Last night he started being willing to eat half and half mixed with kitty broth packs. Getting some calories in him.

So I think we should be able to see what the specialist says on Tuesday.